A day in the life

Today we took steps forward on choosing an arrival date for our au pair. We found a wonderful young woman named Nina from Germany who will come live with us and provide childcare while we are at work.

Also, Roger bit me really hard. I think he was trying to break the skin and in a pure animal rage/impulsive state.

I sometimes worry I am screwing up as a parent. Then, I’ll listen to or read something good and feel encouraged again.

Andrea sent me the link to Janet Lansbury’s Unruffled Podcast which is quite nice.

I think a big part of my journey is relinquishing control and accepting things as they are. Learning about Buddhist thought has been nice.

However, raised as I was and a MBTI ENTJ, I think a lot about how I could make things more efficient and balanced/suited to my preferences.

example 1: menstrual cycles. I remember a long time ago thinking about how a woman’s period is inefficient. It takes a few days’ time and you spend money on tampons and pads. Wouldn’t it be nice if your body could just give you a warning like a sensation or blinking inner wrist and you’d have 8 hours to get to a restroom and press a button on your abdomen and flush everything out into the toilet? This is how my mind works? I basically want to robot-ify womanhood.

example 2: raising children. It takes so much focus and patience and virtue and labor to raise them. Yet I know one day I’ll wish they were always around like they are now. I know one day I’ll give anything to have them cuddle into me and need me so purely and innocently. When I’m retired and they’re adults, I’ll feel like I have too much “me time.” We can’t spread it out evenly like butter on bread. We’ve got to do our best to live in the present and enjoy the immersion.

I don’t want my kids to be raised with fear or shame, but gosh, sometimes it’s hard not to get impatient or raise my voice. Sometimes I feel discouraged when the 15th spit-up of the day splashes on me or it takes 1 hour to get out the door because Roger is being obstinate and I need to pack a lot of gear.

I hope that with a lot of love and open lines of communication our children will be confident and comfortable people. Being a parent is the most important job in the world. It’s not as strategic and planner-friendly as I like my world to be, but gosh, it is amazing.

I believe with a bit of space and focused me-time/adult time that having a job again will bring; I will still feel like a good mom. I will be interviewing for work outside the home soon and see what opportunities are available.

At Katie and Evan’s wedding I described Evan’s mom as a pillar of strength for her family and Erica asked me if that’s how I want my boys to see me. Yes. Yes, it is.

So, while there are times I daydream about sending a tantrum-ing toddler to boarding school or taking more breaks to workout and travel without the kids in tow; I trust it will all work out and that my efforts to be patient and loving will pay off for our family.

book guys parenting thoughts

my brave sewickley library

landis men

mommy and baby and beautiful cardinal bib

brotherly bonding pittsburgh

diapered dudes

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